Blue Whale Crashed with Nuclear Submarine

Collision Course. The 24 meter long whale front collided with a US Army Sub outside Japan early this morning. Readings on Richter scale confirm that the mammal and crew onboard got away with minor damage.

-It's either minor or massive, it's no in between with these accidents, says Japanese Nuke expert Bakuhatsu Nomikomu.

Photo Wikipedia / NOAA

Nuclear War Is Our Only Hope

Sheep Day. -I don't see how we can live in harmony with mankind. They have to die, says leader of the pack Sheep J D.

-Preferably they kill themselves, putting together an army of sheep to kill human kind will be challenging...

Photo Hans Braxmeier

Kim Jong Un: -The Only Way I Can Up My Game Now Is To Go Completely Bananas and Blow %&#@ Up

Surprise. -I can't go on do these test bombings forever. I got to hit something soon. Something big. Something that goes KABOOOOOOOOOOM and scares the hell out of people, says Kim in an 8 hour long portrait interview.

The entire interview, who went over 16 weeks, will be broadcasted on North Korean tv in its entirety this summer, which means no news or other programs until the autumn.

 -Can't really say anyone cares, it's only crap on tv anyway, says regime hater Tang Jong Johnson.  -The only difference is that we get the crap from the dictators mouth himself.

Photo diapositiv.fotografie

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Tough question. Could it be Handsome Luke, Lucky Luke or Kim Jong-un? -Very difficult question, says North Korean spokeshuman, Kim Kim Kim.

-It could be Donald Duck. I'm not up to speed with American names, you all look alike to us, except the negros, but it's definitely an American.

-Everything wrong with this world is Americas fault, so it has to be the work of an American... North Korean logic.

Photo the internet

NASA Discovers 7 New Planets Similar to Ours, Woman: I Don't Need This

Doomsday. -Let's hope there's not men there. I have enough with my husband. I can't deal with 7 more planets full of men, says Alyona Popova.

-And I'm not just speaking on behalf of womankind, this is bad for the entire Universe.

The thought that there might be more men in space disgusts her. -It makes me sick to my stomach. I want to file a divorce and hide in a nuclear bunker.

Photo Quinn Kampschroer

UFC Fighter Conor McGregor is Trumps New Press Secretary

Game on. UFC Fighter Conor McGregor looks forward to taking on the press, according to anonymous sources in the CIA. It's a nonstop fight, 24/7, no downtime, just a big bowl of blood.

-I hope he lasts the whole term, but a few days is more realistic. The White House is signing a deal with the Ultimate Fighting Championchips to get an unlimited access to fighters. We need it, says a White House spokeswoman Bring Itonson.

Photo UFC

Foreign Leaders Insists On Meeting Obama Before The "President"

Dumped. -In fact, they'll rather only meet Obama. First thing they ask for at the airport is where he live and how to get there. Then they come up with some lame excuse that they don't have time for both and have to leave urgent. There's more traffic to Obamas new place than the White House, says Washington insider Al Brown.

-A delegation from Mexico pulled over at the White House on their way to the airport after visiting Obama and pissed on the wall, it's the fifth time it has happened this week and it's only Monday.

Photo IrieJamRadio