Obama Joins the Olympic Kitesurfing Team

Obamacare

WET TEAM 6 Obama will represent USA in the upcoming Summer Olympics. -This is my dream, not the American, but mine. It's about me now. So, yes I CAN.

Photo The Web

Russian Media Only Hire Journalists With Severe Head Injuries

Proud-a! The amount of fake news produced in Russia with the aim of damaging the West has increased in the last couple of years, in what Western Intelligence analytics view as soft warfare.

In turns out that is not the case.

Recent observations by ordinary people suggest that these horrendous news aren't made with bad intention, it's just that the people who make them don't know any better.

-Their all retards. Look at them. Russia Today is a camp for mental illness. How can you have any expectations? We should champion them for spelling the names of our countries right.

Photo quiitheislander

90% Of The Russian Population Is Gay

Payback news. The Russian President is in shock after the nationwide study by the health and safety board was made public this Monday. As a consequence Kremlin is opening up for gay marriages and equal rights for the LGBT community.

On why the sudden change, president Putin reply -There's too many gays... God, 9 out of 10 men I shock hands with where gay. How did I not notice?!

Photo WikiImages

Trump Fired Half The White House Staff -Old Habit

Trump logic. -I've ordered them to come back, if they don't show up on Monday I'll fire them, says Donald.

-I had one of my daily tantrums. Totally normal. I don't know what got over them. Can't have people like that in the White House. I'm doing America a favour. This is why we are so behind. We let the weak run this place. Totally stupid.

Photo White House

Shocking News: Santa Wants something In Return

X Games. This just in: for the first time in history, Santa wants a cut. He threatens go go on strike unless he gets a 20% stake of every gift he gives away.

In his defence he says, quote "What have you ever done for me?".

And continues: "None of you ever send me a Xmas card, it's all wish lists, it's all about you".

"You never give me anything and when you grow up you have the balls to don't even believe in me anymore".

"You grown ups are the scum of the world. Startings wars and doing everything I told you not to".

Photo Karen Warfel

Putin Urge Sanctioned Athletes To Apply For Asylum In Russia

Thai food. -We are a friendly country who include people of all walks of life, especially winners. If these other countries are so stupid to exclude the best of their own we are happy to take them, says Putin.

-I don't see doping as problematic, their sacrificing everything to win, including their health. Thats dedication and we praise dedication in mother Russia. Besides, life expectancy is 60 here, how bad can doping be compared to our regular food? Grow up.

Photo Kremlin

An Elephant Bribed Mugabe

Animal Fram. The President of Zimbabwe received the sum of 200 million dollars for making private arrangements for Dumbo. Dumbo, who has become filthy rich over the years since his movies went in syndication, is in Africa to make a new movie for Disney and wanted to quote "live life" while he was abroad.

-He wanted to do things that are illegal in the US. Things that I do all the time. He was willing to pay good money. I might be old, but I'm not dumb, says Mugabe.

Disney has decided to digitize the live action movie and release it as a Pixar animation. Dumbo is currently in rehab and unavailable for comment.

Photo Wikipedia