If Nobody Apply For The Olympics, IOC Has To Beg Cities To Host It

The IOC Gangster Headquarter

Fairer, cheaper, reasonable. -I wouldn't sleep with the President of IOC, so he would have to try other tricks to court us, like paying the whole thing, says the Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel.

Photo Siege cio

United Kingdom To Elect If They Want To Keep Scotland

Catch 22. -They didn't see that coming did they, bloody Scots, says voters. According to street talk Brits are anxious to get rid of those bloody Scotsmen.

-They take up too much time you kno, talking bull, nobody understands them either. It's like a nation of retards, so let them have it. See how that goes... Nobody talks about the great Scottish Empire.

Photo Warren Rohner

The ISIS Executioner Used Niqab Since He Was A Little Boy

Girly boy. -My face is so ugly people wouldn't watch the beheading videos if I showed it. It's that ugly, says the guy with the balaclava.

-It looks like someone threw acid in my face, except nobody did, I'm that repulsive.

-People throw up when they see me. Imagine what dating was like to me. Lets face it. I got issues.

Photo The Guardian

North Korea Aim Nukes At Moscow

-The bastard is stealing my act.

Vladimir Putistan. Not entirely cool with whats happening in Ukraine, Kim Jong-un order military exercise on the Russian border. -We could be the next Crimea unless I take action. This country is not big enough for 2 dictators.

-Only I get to invade North Korea.

Photo KNCA

Isis In Talks With Ben & Jerry About Their Own Ice Cream Flavour

Mouthful. -It's gonna taste like shit. It'l have rocks and dirt in it. We want it to be so disgusting everybody talks about it, says Isis.

-Basically it's a mix of everything you don't want in your mouth. Our goal is to scare everybody from eating it. We got just the receipt for that.

Photo Pan-Arabia Enquier

Putin Wants More News Coverage Than Any Other President In The World

PlayStation. War is the only way to get headlines. If finding the AIDS cure did, Putin would be on it. Sad, but true. It's how the world works.

Any leader with respect for themselves starts a war.

Photo Kremlin

6 Year Olds Not Afraid of Messing With Putin

-I can see Russia from here.

No Respect. -My dad says he's an idiot. I'll beat him up any day. If he comes to my kindergarden I'll #@*k him up.

-Mommy say no when I take whatever I want. Putin is lucky with his mommy. We should change moms.

-I'm more afraid of dad farting than nuclear bombs.

Photo Mats Eriksson

iPhone 6 With Taser App

Kill Your Darlings. -It's only a matter of time before the Star Wars light sabre app will be available, says Industrial Light & Magic at the Skywalker ranch.

-We can only get so far effect wise inside movies. We reached the end a few years ago so we're focusing on real life effects these days.

-A Transformers app is in the works. That'll sure blow some minds. Remember the old car phones? It's the other way around. It's a foldable car inside the phone.

Photo Slashgear