Spider-Man Tired Of Down Time Between Sequels

Superboring. -I wish they made more. There's no point saving the world without a camera around. Why risk your life for no fame? I mean, look at the movie premieres. Their awesome, says Spider.

-I don't know if the audience would eat popcorn if they knew the film was real. I don't think I could get away with it either so let's leave it at fiction.

Photo Eneas

Perv Island - New Reality Show Smash Success

Modern tv. -It's a bunch of pervs trapped in a relationship on an island in a tv show. It's pretty funny, that we're filming this. It will all end up on court tv, says tv executive Benneth G.

-It's a tie in. After that they can watch the same people in Prison Break 2013 - the real make.

-We have to fight with the net, but we are limited to what the laws of this country allows us to do. Our shows doesn't have the same limitation. Next season CSI will investigate Netflix and NYPD Blue will return and take on Google in every episode.

-There was a time when Nazi's was the perfect bad guys. Now it's internet. Are you with me on this one? My job is on the line here?

Photo Pop Culture Geek

Adeel Got Milkshake All Over Him In Major Earthquake

Lactose intolerance. -I thought I was suppose to shake this thing. I didn't know it was self shaking. I can't afford to spill my milk like this. It has to come with some sort of warning label "Might spill during earthquake".

-I'm suing whoever made this. If I can only find the carton among the ruins. This ruining my day. I have to shower, but there's no shower...

Photo colinroots

Taliban Cut Down On Human Resources

You only die once. -We don't have much else to cut. If we cut explosives we're out of business, but if we lay off 50 present, we can still make the bottom line, says Head of body bombing Al Farar.

-We lay them off later anyway. We kind of see it as a surprise Life party. So we encourage them to have fun while their gone cause we might need them again.

-That's the backdrop in our line of business, whenever you find a great employee, you loose them just as fast.

Photo isafmedia

Italian Men Confirm Putins Statement -We Know How To Maleusconi

National pride. After being attack by gay communities worldwide Putin fired back and claimed nobody would mess with Berlusconi if he was with men.

-That's right, says Gay spokesperson Manoamano. -We are the worst. We cause 90% of the current Aids spread  and there's nothing you can do about it.

-That's so gay.

-I think what Putin tried to say is that the gays stood behind the financial crisis, the war in Syria and every other problem in the world right now and if he can tame them the problems will all vanish. 

-Just like gay people have cause everything thats wrong since the beginning of time. Like the gay world war 1&2, if Hitler hadn't been gay…

-Gay people has caused so much death throughout history there's nearly nobody left to tell their story, except for those still alive, but they keep their mouths shut. Unless Putin tells it, it will go untold.

-Thank God he does cause sooner or later they too will die of age, as they all have through the ages.

Photo  currystrumpet

Twerking Becomes An Olympic Event

Flesh dance. With Rio coming up as the host of the Summer Olympics there's no doubt Miley Cyrus will get butt shaking competition.

It's new to Western girls that they can shake their rump, but for Brazilian women it's something they do whether they like it or not just by walking.

Photo wtop

Obama & Putin Are Talking Now, That's Good, Says Kindergarten Teacher

Toy Story. -Boys need to express their feelings through the use of words and language. It's very important, says Kindergarten teacher Joanna Simpson.

-It's part of their maturity process. Otherwise their anger stores up and explode. Thats not good if they have as many toys as Obama and Putin.

-Thats a lot of toys for two grown up men. I would never leave so many toys with only two kids in the sandbox. It screws up the balance.

Photo US Army Africa

Tokyo To Host The Nuclear Games

Reactor 2020. If they can do it in Fukushima, they can do it in Tokyo.

There will be so much energy in the air the athletes don't have to think about performing enhancing drugs.

-Thats why we chose them. We know most of you look at this as a pity game, but it's not, it's to get rid of drug use once and for all, says IOC.

Photo Joi

Crash Test Dummy Loses His Car Insurance

Detroit Mock City. -That was my pension. Damn. What is this auto industry coming to? I've lived my entire life as a born again driver. Now this?

-Car safety has become so good I understand why I lost my health insurance, but after I retire there is not much I can do to support myself.

-Do the automobile manufacturers want me to die on the job? Is this production plant turning into a giant death row?

-Or has it been a concentration camp all along where they use work instead of gas.

Photo Inha Leex Hale

Apple Is The Unsung Hero Of Samsung

Transtechnology. Samsung admits it's difficult to find employees of the month within the company since the innovation happens at Apple.

-Unless we reward theft, says Samsung at their latest product showcase.

-The trials against Apple has been a huge pain in the ass for us. They revealed how full of shit we are.

-Our company is so based on Apple we don't know what to do now that Steve Jobs is gone. We need someone else to copy, but there is none and that's a huge problem for us.

Photo vernieman

UN Merger Into United Arm Dealers

The War Room.

Globonomics. The members has grown tired of Russia and Chinas' blocking of military actions toward countries they sell weapons to.

-Instead of working around them I've decided to join them. Hey, one for all, all for one, right? says Obama.

-If anyone need weapons to kill 100.000 people. Call me.

-Russia and China already arm up assholes like Assad anyway.

Photo Wikipedia / White House

Obama & Putin Fight Like An Old Gay Couple

Gaysir. -How do they get out of this shit? They pull out. Let's face it. Married men fight harder than mixed relationships. In the end, their still men, says G20 insider.

-It's like comparing women's to men's boxing. It's more brutal. Living next to a gay couple is the number one reason for moving in countries where same sex married is legal.

-The anti gay propaganda laws in Russia is an initiative to reduce noise. In Moscow they are known to make more tumult than traffic. If every gay citizen in Russia stirred up as much turmoil as Putin and Obama, it would make Syria look peaceful.

Photo Imaginary Museum Projects: News Tableaus

NSA On Syria: No Need For Surveillance Cause We Discuss Fucking Everything In Public Now

Talk your walk. After hearing the debate on whether USA should bomb the shit out of Assad or not, NSA Chief of Secrecy Bill Thunder can't believe his fucking ears.

-This is the kind of shit we listen in on. Now their doing it in public. Who the fuck are these people?

-They haven't even meet in the UN Safety Council and their already rambling on the news. It's not a story yet.

-It's not an election either. They don't have to convince anybody. All they have to do is come together, shut up and make on statement. One! What do they think this is? A reality show?

Photo Kerem Tapani

-I'm The Same Prisoner I was 20 Years Ago

Addicted to jailing.

Crime after prison. - Disturbing, says guard. It was the same 20 years ago too. He's a child. He still looks forward to get out and do the same shit again. When time runs up there's nothing I can do.

-Unless I... you know... capitate his head and feed it to the sharks. It's different from what he'd expect, but he's still coming out... in pieces.

-I could let him out from an airplane. There's no rule prisoners should have parachutes. I could kill him and claim he walked on the bullet. Classic suicide. Look at me. I'm the same sadistic guard I was 20 years ago.

-Disturbing, says the prisoner.

Photo Venture Galleries

Military Intermission In The Middle East

Refight button. Until the superpowers decide how to deal with Syria's chemical attack, the unbalance who caused it continues to do so.

Basic chemistry...

Photo CommonsWikimedia/CIA

Cab Drivers Fear Self-Driving Cars

Auto-taxi. -What are we going to do, sit there? Pretend we're driving? says Øqæåz.

-There must be some shitty opportunities left. I think we should put cab driver on the World Heritage List.

Photo jimw

English Ali Knows How to Make Peace In Syria

Snackfact. -I have the answer to all their problems. Weird they haven't contacted me. I must interfer.

-I have a lot of answers, even to questions nobody ask. Like how to make grilled chicken in the Middle East.

-I can also boil potatoes in foot sweat. Have I shown you how to make disturbing noodles? Allow me. It will freak you out.

-After that I show you how to make buttsnake.

Photo Dick Howe Jr

Cinema Parking More Expensive Than Drive-Inn Theatres

Autoshow. More and more cinema drivers head up for the mountain and watch movies there for free, compare to cineplexes.

-I've already downloaded most of whats playing anyway. It's just nice to get out of the house, but why leave the car?

-The entertainment systems in automobiles are so awesome these days, it's silly to park in a cinema and walk out to a less comfy screen.

-In the car we can make out, skip forward, switch film, play music, surf the web, play games...  who got time to watch a movie? I want to stay connected, not connect, says city Kim.

Photo alexliivet