EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE VIRUS

What the hell do you want?



Same as everyone else, more!

Who are you?
If I knew that, I might have been able to do something about it. 

You do understand you'll go down in history as one of the absolute worst things that ever happened?
I kinda do, yeah.

How do you feel about that?
Like a psychopath, I guess... Hard to tell, not great with feelings.

Did you have a difficult childhood?
Yes. I was born in a cave and raised by bats. You can say I have a lot of baggage.

Why earth?
Why not? Good as any.

Why now?
Would tomorrow suit you better?

How does the vaccine make you feel?
Terrible.

Why don't you give up?
It's kinda hard to stop these things once you started it.

One last wish before we wipe you out?
I know it's not on the table, but I'd prefer the electric chair. 


This interview was translated into human language by computers.


Secret Service Relieved Trump Lost

Agent admit more comfortable with failure under Trump.

-It's a miracle he's still alive.


Can't Do Blackface, Can't Do Whiteface

Guess I Have To Use My Own Face..

 -It's so much easier to be alive if I don't have to be myself, you know what I mean?! It's sort of all figured out beforehand. I don't have to think. Just copy the people around me. Don't have to deal with everyday life. I can forget my problems and have a ball, says Donald Clusterfok from Ohio.
 
-The people at these meetings respect me when I'm someone else. We never talk about the dumb shit I do, like crashing my car in a boat. We focus on other peoples dumb shit and that has made me realize that even though I fired a gun at the rescue truck, I'm still better than those other idiots.

A lot better! 

-We have a saying here, "Fuck you!", and that really resonates with me. "Ey! Fuck you, man!" It really sums up everything. "Fuck you, and you and you and you!". Life is so much easier in black and white. I don't want to add color. I want to keep it simple. I like the mask on. I'm not one of those who go to McDonalds Drive Thru to buy complicated food.

-I'm hungry. I need to take a dumb, says Donald before he carries on with his life.


Photo Martin 

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