"Quarantine" Is My Middle Name

The master of quarantine, Quentin Tarantino, feels sorry for the one billion people who don't have the skills to sit down and chill, go for a walk, watch a movie, read a book, or write on for that matter.

-I feel for these people, I've devoted my entire career to try to help them by making movies they would watch to the end. The key was making them interesting. So I did something very different,  I asked myself: would I watch this to the end?

-In Hollywood everybody ask everyone else for answers, they make decisions based on random people's opinion. Call me stupid, but thats not how I operate. I'm a director, I call the shots!


Photo Siebbi

Adult Content Saves Humanity From Madness In Corona Isolation

The "happy" websites is experiencing its largest boost in traffic since the dawn of timecode. -You would think people got scared from the global lockdown caused by the coronavirus, but all they think of is x@$ % &% $"!?=* @*$$ %&, says search result analytic at CloudPorn United.

-I think we should wake up and realise love has nothing to do with it. We are just horrible people.

-Seriously horribly!


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Queen of England Isolated in a Nuclear Submarine

-The Queen is keept safe under water until this blows off. We have enough fuel and supplies to stay under for more than a year, says Capitan England.

Other world leaders are expected to chicken out and hide under water too, especially the French, at least until it's all water under the bridge. Only consolation for the living dead is that the coronavirus is highy contagious in water.

God save the Queen.


Photo WikiImages

World OK With Trump Getting Coronavirus

In a not surprising result from a survey conducted outside USA, most people, in fact all, answered they couldn't care less about what happens in the White House.

Since nobody asked if they wished the President where infected, nobody aswered either, but everyone knows the answer. Sometimes surveys are just redundant.

Especially if it's conducted by the Palestinian Department of Foreign Affairs.


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Corona Sales Skyrocket

-People want a positiv Corona experience. Thy want to get infected and have a good time, knowing they'll be all right. It might feel like you are going to die, but the hangover is just for one day. People like that thrill, says Key Account Manager Luis García at Corona Global Distribution in Mexico City.

-We had Americans setting out rumors that we piss in our beer, guess what happened, sales skyrocketed in the States because American beer taste like piss. So, no, we don't worry.

-Anyway, we call the Coronavirus Maovirus in Mexico, it doesn't affect sales at home. Honestly, I don't think people will notice the difference among the local drug wars, people die like flies anyway. What's the difference?


Photo stokpic

Italy Closed for Pest Control

International travel agents got considerable more complaints when Italy decided to shut down than China. -Can't say people cared much about China, it was kinda expected, but Italy???!!! Damn!!!!

-The world wasn't ready for it, at least not where we prefer to travel. If Italy hadn't been such a tourist spot, people wouldn't care. After all, we get most of their stuff at the local shopping centre.


Photo by skeeze