Australian Forrest Fire: Relax, It's Just Aboriginals Boiling Water

-They where never good tea drinkers, don't make such a big thing out of it, sooner or later they'll go tired of all the fires and switch to iced tea, says Aron Dumbster from Melbourne.

-What? Am I a racist for saying that? Thats not racist, it's two very different cultures trying to emerge. If the Brits wasn't drinking afternoon tea everyday, we might have had to deal with these fires maybe once a year, like the peace pipe fires, not everyday!

Photo Fir0002/Flagstaffotos

In the Midst of the Forrest Fire, John Completely Lost It

-Nobody can tell, atleast thats what I thought, if I'd only waited another minute... It was kinda seen as waisting resources, the fire was a little bit too far away. More like 200 meters to be exact. Lots of people got their clothes ruined, says John who doesn't really regret the incident.

-It was too cool, it was my 15 minute of fame, with the trial and all I think we're talking being on the nation's lips for weeks. I got more out of this than I could ever imagine.

John, who is waiting to serve 10 years in a maximum stupidity prison, says that with the book deals and tv-series contract he'll walk out of prison a rich man. -I would never made that much money if I'd stayed in the job. Now I can sit on my ass and watch myself portrayed on tv.

 -I hope they get to do 10 season, if they do, we can meet in the final episode out in reality. How about that?!

Photo skeeze

Uses Global Warming to Boil Water

-We figured out, lets try using global warming for something positive, for a change, we all know the negative sides, but is there any positive ways we can use this? Yes!, making tea! says Nadia in Beirut.

-I don' think I will see this mug of water reach the boiling point in my lifetime, but maybe my grandchildren can benefit from what my friend and I started here at the beach.

-It makes sence that hot girls solves global warming, after all, we have dealt with this issue a long time already, first we where hot girls, then we where hot babes, then hot chicks, then hot moms, we have all the experience the world has to offer concerning heat issues.

Photo Julita 

Yui Buy All Her Presents Online and Sends It to the Wrong Addresses

-I send my parents presents to my brother and my sisters to my aunt and on Xmas eve I call them up and go "that too bad, it must have been mixed up, I'm so sorry you get all this extra work now..." Ha ha ha!

-I only do it with heavy stuff and with short dated food. My upbringing wasn't the best, I was a horrible child, my parents did their best, but there was nothing they could do. I was a total psycho and I'm continuing this behaviour in my adult years. As most my age do.

-It's all about me you see, all the time! It's not about giving, it's about how you give it! You old guys don't get that. Ultimately, the present is for me.

Photo Masashi Wakui

Santa In Negotiations To Make an Action Movie

The bidding war among the studio, in what is seen as the opportunity of the century, is nothing compared to the rather complicated demands of Santa and his team. And then there is scheduling...

Santa, who according to trade gossip is rather keen on shaking off his old fashioned image as a do godder for all kinds of shit, as he puts it. He wants back the respect he once had and sees making an action movie i Hollywood as an oportunity to get just that.

-In this film the kids die, nobody gets shit. I play a villian who is a mix of Rambo and the Joker. I want kids to fear me, I want them to believe I can make hell on earth if they behave badly, says Santa and points out:

-I'ts not enough to reward good behavior with presents these days. I have to punish bad behavoir too. I might have to kill their parent.

-From now on the kids has to prove their good, if not, I'll slaughter their parents, their pets, neigbours, friends... anything that moves.

Photo 12019

The British Empire: It's All Water Under the Bridge

Brexit is coming, Great Britain is leaving the Union, but even if they like it or not, they're still in Europe, they're not going anywhere...

Photo liushuquan

5G Makes It Impossible Taking Secrets To The Grave

-We are going to save so much space, imagine all the secrets who don't need room any longer. We've had people with so many secrets they could fill up an entire graveyard themselves, says gravedigger Johnny Dark.

-Finally the people who bury the Intelligence Community can get some rest before they pass over themselves.

Photo Gábor Bejó