Here is Bradley 2 seconds after he gets the driving licence

Maturity limit. -How does it feel to pass the test? -I can`t hear you. The music is too loud. -What do you think about safe driving? -Eat this! Vroooom.


 Photo Tobyotter

Geisha lost in character

Independent contractor. According to the Japanese authorities, she disappeared with her make up on. Usually they take that off at the end of the shift, but she didn`t. She was still in character.

First the police got reports of a Geisha who entertained the customers at the subway, then a Quickie Mart, then a home for homeless people. Instead of checking it out, the police decided to wait and see where this is going.

At four in the morning they received a call from an elderly lady who complained about a Geisha singing old folk songs outside her bedroom window and claiming she knew her husband better then her - at least sexually.

Quarter past four she walked into a nightclub and took over as host. The audience thought it was part of the arrangement so the MC left it at that since none of the activities there could stand the light of day.

-These things often solve themselves, says emergency call operator Han Jong. -After a few hours they get tired. Basically what they want is attention, there is not a single man in Kyoto who will ignore a Geisha. With 700.000 males in this city, that problem will solve itself. Some lucky guy will get the ride of his life. A mental Geisha, thats like celebrating X-mas, New Years Eve and your birthday simultaneously.

Rumors had it she walked away with 5 million Yen from that nightclub.

Photo Marc Veraart

Gold diggers spend their husbands money differently than their own

-When I buy a new purse, I always ask the store manager
how many he needs to sell to stay open.  
Marriage Express. -I don`t spend my own money at all. Thats the deal. It`s an even relationship. He has to compensate, otherwise it`s not fair.

-I look at shopping as economic aid. Somebody gotta make the wheels go round. So really I`m helping people. Kind of a rescue worker. A woman who shops for the people, yes for mankind. Without us the whole world would go under like Greece. Yeah! I`m saving the world and proud so doing it. Not the slightest ashamed, says Goldie.

 Photo dno1967b

Putin sends Obama a message on how to deal with Julian Assange

Between two statesmen. -You gun him down. Nobody is going to believe he raped two Swedish women. Use a Kalashnikov. It`s cheap, easy and people will think it`s us. Thats what he said. I swear, says Chief of Staff Jack Lew to Obama.

-Then he went on about dealing with the opposition... I don`t think you want to hear that. Let`s just say its not translatable to democratic terms. But you might be interested in his ideas on how to, how do I put it, win the 2nd election, if you know what I mean. He had some awesome suggestions.


Steven spend more time fingering his smartphone than his girlfriend

At at pub fingering with his mates. 
Rub the technology. -I use maybe 4,6,8 hours a day with my gaze locked into the touchscreen. It doesn`t matter where I live anymore. It`s all about online presence. Who cares where you write this stuff. As long as you fake the photos, you ok in my book. I`m not gonna hang out with some douchebag.

-You got to follow the times and live in the screen. Forget all the "live in the moment" bullshit. That`s yesterdays technology.

-Think about all the benefits from living in the technology. You have a facelift without going to a plastic surgeon. Digital surgery is so much cheaper!

-Imagine the babes you get. All you have to do is close your eyes when you meet them in real life. If you work out a mutual agreement that you`ll both keep your eyes closed until death do you apart. you don`t have to give a fuck. Eat everything you want. If one of you dies, get another one. Who`ll notice?

Photo philcampbell

Obama`s new slogan: CRIME

The prince of darkness
Yes, we crime. After 4 years of running USA it got pretty clear for Obama that Americans don`t want to play by the rules.

They want to cheat on their taxes, they don`t want to help their homeless neighbor. They want to sit infront of the tv, eat garbage and shut out the outside world.

Slogans like "more of the same" or "need more time" would be disastrous according to Inside analytics.

To get the headlines Obama is turning over to the dark side. -It`s the prison vote who will decide this election. There`s so many Americans behind bars they outnumber any other interest group.

-Besides, crime is sexy, I automatically get the women`s vote. Now they can live out their teenage gangsta fantasies voting for me.

 Photo oporder

Gaza celebrates 65 years of pure madness

Nuclear solution. -We`re throwing the party in a tent incase someone bombs it. Then we don`t have to worry about rebuilding it, says mixed race operator
 Hebrew Ali.

Photo Kecko

Creating communism from within

Next to China. Put yourself up for sale to the highest bidders. Appoint their people. Write your own laws. Make truck loads of money. Heard it before?

Change is the only constant in politics.

Photo Gage Skidmore

Doomsday prophet stunned the world has not gone under yet

Judgement days. -I`m puzzled by the fact it hasn`t happened atleast 50 times, atleast!!! Taken the circumstances, I`m quite impressed by earths survival skills. But I`m convinced our planet will run out of luck and I hope I live long enough to tell the story before it`s too late. I mean, who will lissen to this when it`s gone?

 Photo SteveR-

When faced a dangerous fire I ask myself "What would Rambo do?"

Adrenaline party. -What I hate about this job is that I can`t take off my clothes and flex those abs while I put out the fire, says Unpresidented Joe. None of the other guys talk about it. They all do it, but are afraid to be revealed. I pie on every fire I put out. It`s a sexual thing. I have to mark my territory. This belongs to me now. Screw the insurance company. I`m the man here!

 Photo Loco Steve

London tourists mistook House of Commons for Paralympics

Parapolitics. -They behaved like monkeys, what where we suppose to think? says the two globetrotters from a little bit here and there.

-We gave them our bananas out of sorrow, not ??? These people can`t chew, or least use a fork and knife. They have to eat. Judging by their behavior they are obviously not feed often enough.

-Somebody had to throw food at them. Bananas was the only thing we had. If we had had cake we would have thrown that?!

Photo Liberal Democrats

The Olympic 100m finales will be held at the Mexican border

Audience takes it all. If you win you get a gold visa with work permit. Second you get the chance to run again and if you come 3rd or below you get shot at the finish line.

-Off course there will be drug testing. Whoever tests positiv will be shot on site. Also, if you don`t have you Olympic papers in order you will be killed instantly, says one guard off guard.

Photo Highway Patrol Images